U.S. Open Results

The results from The Season's 3rd Major are in and could we have picked a more all-American winner from the field for our U.S Open Championship than the eventual champion than our very own Hellboy! From his radiant red hair with matching flavor savor facial hair, down to his fire-crotch and into his Toe-shoe golfing spikes, this glorious ginger may have been the exact demographic that "45" was pandering to during his presidential run. Did he Make America Great Again? No. But he did make us 20+ Handicaps proud of the glory that could be had by all of us.

Hellboy ran out to a quick lead, shooting the second best front nine of the tournament going out in 40 and held on to the lead by coming home in 45. Some of us dream of walking down the 18th fairway as a sort coronation of the Major tournament we are about to take home. Hellboy on the other hand walked 7 fucking fairways as the 2022 US Open Champion. This thing was over before the temperature reached 98 degrees. In hindsight, this exactly what he had to do. There was no way that sensitive, sunburned-prone, freckled like a goddman strawberry lemonade skin would have held up to the sunshine that penetrated the fairways and dried out the hellish greens that Elk Ridge through at us. Congratulations to you Hellboy. The Glory is yours and yours alone, you soulless bastard!

Some Lowlights:

• The Body, finishes the round....alive. Pay your bets Toro. Nary a par but he finished.

• Sloppy Joe, miraculously "finds" his second of 3 errant tee shots off of Tee box #1 and the Golf Gods were not pleased with his "find". He is struck with their full fury. He smashes every drive from there on out straight down the middle but his irons, short game, and putting is held captive from him and he proceeds to shoot the only other round over 100 with The Body.

• Railing in full PGA Championship (and probable Saturday) hangover mode proceeds to not find a par until hole 6. The Grand Slam bid ended Sunday.

• Magic shoots himself out of contention on the Front 9. Going 8 over on 7,8,9.

• California does the same. Is this the year that Ca goes winless?

• Caleb, Easy Jr, nerves must have got him on hole 1 with a double. But this kid is a stick. His inexperience caused him to faulter down the stretch as he closed 6 over on the final 3 holes. Presidential Edict - He will not be paired with the president regardless of how random the draws are. #Calebhateshisdad

• Chambermaid. Consistency comes to mind. 50 out, 50 in. Not gonna cut it.

• Headcase may be benefitting from his weekly therapy sessions. Plenty of oppurtunity for a full on blow up. Never happened. Well done.

• Golden comes out swinging. 39 going out only for a Quad on 10 to get things rolling on the back. Add that to the 5+ lip outs coming home. There's always next year.

• Toro gets a 1 word recap....."10"

• Dozer states on number 1 "Don't call it a come back, I never fucking left" in the fight for 2nd place this man held it alone for a total of 1 holes on the back. Best finish of the year for this man. BTW he finished last at the last event, not Fitz.

• The Pro with a simple looking 80. Plenty of missed birdie putts will haunt him for the foreseeable future as who knows when he will be able to play again.

• Easy goes low gross like he's supposed to. Finds a Red number on number 1 and never looks back.

• Precious has a Dr. Jeckyl, Mr. Hyde round going out in 49 and coming home in 42 after playing the final 5 holes at 1 over. Anyone in the market for a driver that has never been hit on the sweetspot? I have 1.

• Spanky holds on to second after Precious punts a 3 foot birdie putt on 18 to give it to him. 1 of 2 players to go red at the The Ridge.

Pos.	Degenerate	Net	Score	Fedex Pts.
1.	HellBoy	-7	63	60
2.	Spanky	-1	69	33
3.	Precious	E	70	21
T4.	Easy	+2	72	12.67
T4.	The Pro	+2	72	12.67
T4.	Dozer	+2	72	12.67
7.	El Toro	+4	74	10
8.	Golden Rod	+5	75	9.4
T9.	Headcase	+8	78	8.5
T9.	Chambermaid	+8	78	8.5
11.	California	+9	79	7.7
12.	Magic	+10	80	7.2
13.	Railing	+11	81	6.8
14.	Sloppy	+15	85	6.4