In what has turned into a 2 man race for the Fed Cup, 1 name stands above them all. To the extent that this dick has to feign a smile and not bother to stand as he accepts his league leading 3rd* win of the year! (Completely disregarding Sloppy's win* at Pumpkin from here on out) Please help me in congratulating this year's Open Champion, The one and only Spanky!
When asked about his pride in winning this years trophy his girlfriend, Stacey says "What? The horses? Yeah, they're stacked up with the rest of his golf trophies." Douche. When winning becomes a habit I guess maybe it takes away the aurora and satisfaction that comes with the feat. Kinda like the first girl you met who let you go rogue, you know the ol' swedish bike ride, louisiana lane change, brown the sausage, run a little rump raiding, backstoke to browntown , toss the old bike in the trunk, juice the prune, nudge the fudge, hightail it up the hershey highway, get the invite to Rectumania, put the stem on the rose, do the chocolate cha-cha, dart up to the dusty barn, go colon-bowlin, get a full ride to Brown University, swab the poop-deck, do the dump thump, it's just not the same as it was when the mystique has worn off. I mean, Spanky will still do it, but only because at the end of it there are 15 dudes waiting to hand him money. Congrats on the win and essentially locking up the 'Shipp!
On to the Lowlights:
The body - To date this man has the highlight of the year.
No words needed besides "Fuck Yeah"!
Fuck yeah, indeed. DFL but thanks for the beer!
California - How the mighty have fallen. Calm before the storm? a Sloppy-ish 102.
The Pro with a 52 coming home. This has to be the weirdest recap I've ever written with the last 2 going as high as they did and that's even if you remove the 30 references from above.
Dozer finds a gross 108 and introduces a +20 low gross game. Yes-Fucking-Please.
Connor came to go low and chew gum. Guess what, he's all out of gum! 87
Sloppy came to go low and chew gum. Still has plenty of fucking gum left. Like a big-league chew style bag of it left. 10 on 17 ties for highest score on a single hole with Dozer's abortion on 9.
Caleb was 2 over after 9. This includes an unfortunate double bogey on 6. When I die and am reincarnated I want to come back as Easy's 3rd and illegitimate son just so I can say that I'm related to these 2 dapper gents.
Easy loses to 1 son and hangs on to beat the other...barley. Time is undefeated. White tees will help you in the coming years Easy.
Precious makes zero noise, makes zero runs, what is the point of all of this? T6. Retirement from the 12.....imminent.
Hellboy makes 2 birdies on a day where Fitz was damn near mistake free and loses his match play. Hellboy doesn't win either the match or the tournament. This is like a win for everyone.
Headcase doesn't play bad. doesn't play well. looks good in the process. Good for solo 5th. You in for +20 low gross?
Magic posts an 8 on 2 and still leads the tournament after 9. I guess that's what a 17 HCP and some solid play will do. One thing is for certain, he definitely looks like he can tell you anything you need to know about cutting grass in brand new white new balances or the difference between flat, satin, low Gloss, Semi-Gloss, and Gloss paint but this man has a killer instinct. destroys Hellboy in their match.
Roedog gets better and better the more his Hammy heals up. a Pedestrian 44 front is followed up with a 42. He gets a couple of putts to drop and he may have not ever let us hear the end of it. Let us Thank God for shitty putts.
Railing Matches low 9 with a 2 over front 9, 38. Goes Low gross, 79. and still loses by 3. Judging by the amount of titty sweat this man brought to the clubhouse. He wanted it....bad. When can we see Spanky's HCP reflect the 8-9 that he actually is. Nepotism at it's finest.
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