There is a book titled "Eat that Frog!" written by none other than Brian Tracy. The book lays out 21 great ways to stop procrastinating and get more done in less time. The book begins by by telling you to do the task that you least want to do to begin your day and you can go through your day knowing that there is nothing worse that can happen to you that day. Well, Sloppy, you did it. You became my frog. Writing about a Sloppy win is the LAST thing I want to do. It will most definitely be the worse part of my day, week, and probably month. To have had the "privilege" to witness the win first hand makes this that much worse because Sloppy absolutely deserved this win. Should have it come down to the last hole? No. Should he had been up 6 strokes with 8 to play? No. Should I have even brought Sloppy to play in the league? Probably not. But here the fuck we are.
The day started innocently enough as Sloppy hit a bullet off of the #1 tee box, hits a decent approach, the proceeds to 3 putt. Same old, same old. Or so we thought. Change was in the air. Fresh off his come from behind win at the Tour Championship, Sloppy began to exude the confidence of a man who was 45lbs lighter, 15 years his junior, had seen a razor in the last 6 months and who could take a piss without it dribbling down his sack. Sloppy makes no worse than bogey on the front nine on his way to a 41, NET 31.
So the back nine begins and Sloppy has a 6 stroke lead and is getting 10 handicap aided strokes. An insurmountable lead. But it wasn't. Not in the hands of this guy. What should have been a stroll through the park on the way to the clubhouse to buy a pitcher, collect a trophy and cash turned into a nail biter. Pushed by a Bull and a Headcase the pressure creeps up on Sloppy Joe and for the first time of the day he fumbles, a triple on 13 then a double on 14. It's turning into a race. Toro makes a case for a breakthrough win for himself before falling short with a triple on 18. It's down to a 2 man race. Headcase and Sloppy to the final hole. Headcase down a stroke. Sloppy hits his drive, pulls it left into the woods. Could be trouble. Headcase hits his short but straight. Could be trouble. Headcase play a nice layup to 75 yards. Sloppy escapes the trees and is short of the green 80 yards. Sloppy's approach sails the green. I know it's trouble. Headcase hits his approach to 15 ft. This could be it. Sloppy is on. Misses his first putt. Headcase lags to 2 ft and taps in for bogey. Sloppy stands over his putt to make a 5 and win the tourney. Misses the putt for the win and taps in for a double. We are headed for a putt-off. But wait, Sloppy Joe is getting 2 strokes on 18 to Headcase's 1. Sloppy Joe wins on account of his handicap. Same way he got that parking tag and those additional checks in the mail each month, he leaned on his handicap.
Congrats, Sloppy, on the win. I hope you get Zero more.
On to the lowlights:
The Snake - 9th Place +11 Jake makes his league debut and not surprisingly lives up to the Roeder name with a dead last finish. Good things to come for this golfer though. Welcome to the 12's Jake.
Hellboy - 8th Place +9 You always wonder what Hellboy you'll get early in the year. Today we got bad Hellboy. Bad yet consistent. 50 Front 50 Back. Won't get it done but his confidence/pride is not wavering as he has requested his Handicap not go up based on this performance. Kudos to you Hellboy.
Chambermaid - 7th Place +6 High Hole of the day (10) and 1 of just 3 birdies for the entire league. Out of the tournament by hole 3. Nice relaxing Sunday!
Precious - T5th Place +5 The only par on 18 out of the bunch. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Too little, too late but 3 birdies in the final 4 holes shows promise for the future
Magic - T5th Place +5 A picture of consistency. Will he ever get a win on Tour? Probably not. But dammit how can you not like having this guy assigned to your tee time.
Spanky - 4th Place +1 About as up and down round you're going to get from this guy. Watch out because despite going out in 44 he came home in 38. When he's on it will be tough to beat him.
El Toro - 3rd Place E 11 straight pars on 7-17 gave him a chance. A triple bogey 7 on 18 undid it. The Bull get clipped again. Will he win this year? Yes. Will it come at Sloppy's expense? I hope so.
Headcase - 2nd Place -2 3 Doubles to start his round. Not what the doctor ordered. 5 straight pars on the back 9 as Sloppy was crumbling. Exactly what the doctor ordered. If this round was played today, Headcase in a Putt-off. But again Handicap to the rescue. See you on the podium at the Duffer's Headcase.
Joe's Handicap come out victorious yet again and I'll probably get charged with a hate crime. But dammit Sloppy you make it so easy for me. "Where'd you get the cheese Danny?'
Onwards and upwards,
President Precious
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