“I have no words.” It is something we say when we are so overwhelmed, or at a loss, when we are unable to forge the molten metal of thoughts into the piercing form of linguistic expression. Sometimes, there are too many words. The molten metal builds under pressure, implodes rather than erupt, and now our tongues are made still by a river of fiery ash. In either time, we lucky few may be blessed that we don’t need to form those words, that the action of the situation figuratively and literally speaks for itself.
That was the round that Roedog put together at OGA. That was the 2 over on the front nine that gave him the lead and that was was the 42 on the back nine he played under pressure to keep it. Whether you were stilled into silence, or imploding into it, today’s round spoke for itself, and it spoke volumes. For 12's members everywhere today was a Odyssean epic, it was the swelling soundtrack of the century, it was poem and prose and every good word ever uttered from one person’s lips to another’s heart. Today Roeder broke out the flat-stick, the driver, and every club in between to shoot his best round in distant memory and best round of the day.
In every single facet of the game Roeder did something spectacular, multiple somethings. He did everything you want in a 12's PGA Champion. He grinded, he hustled, he came back, he won. The round was exceptional, given how strikingly close his two playing partners were to one another and to him in performance today, it made Roeder's heroics coming out on top all the more sweeter. Today’s round rang of history, and will without a doubt live in the heart and mind of Roeder for years, maybe even decades to come. In fact, it took him less than 3 hours to remind everyone how important this victory was via Groupme. No, not just for being the likely death knell to his, not just major drought, but competitive league play drought, but for the fact that in his mind and his mind alone, this is his attempt at a dynasty, or at his age he's beginning to start thinking about his legacy or quite possibly the chance of becoming most talented player ever. All of the competitor's, sans Dozer, matched each other’s pace and scores so precisely, and played so well that it's hard to think of a tougher tournament to have run away with. Cheers to you Cumdog. Champion of Champions.
On to the Lowlights:
Last Place -Ca, Railing, Connor, Golden, Chambermaid, Headcase, and The Pro - The schedule was only out in March. I guess that's not long enough to plan ahead. I get it. Minus 50 PGA points for allowing Roeder to win this. One can only assume the winner was in the group that no showed. Now we all get to hear about this bullshit for god knows how long. Thanks
Dozer - 9th Place +31 - The 58 on the way out was only a sign of things to come. On the back 9, 1 par marred by a season high hole of 15 lead to quite possibly an all-time high score of 70 back nine and a 128. Breaking the wrong kind of records there Doz.
Magic Mike - 8th Place +6 - Returns to competitive play and forgets to bring the competitive part. Rounds in to form on the back 9 with a 44. Too little, too late Mikey.
Sloppy Joe - 7th Place +3 - In awe of the 300 yard drives that Caleb was bombing, Sloppy returns back to form to finish as an "also-ran". Can't putt, can't chip, can't win. if not for Dozer would have been high gross on the day at 100.
Hellboy - 6th Place +2 - Has anyone checked their milk carton's and seen Hellboy's game yet? From Bogey golf to the depths of despair Hellboy's game has left him faster than his pigmentation at birth. A gross 97 leaves him adding to his handicap as the Cup approaches. Well played.
El Toro - T4th Place +1 - A 40 on the back 9 saves what could have been the worst round of the year for the Bull. Never really out of it, never really in it could describe his sex life or his consistently middling performances over these last few months. Either way, I got you to visualize Toro going doggy, didn't I? You're welcome. The bleach for your eyes is on the left. Gross 85
Spanky - T4th Place +1 - Gets hot on 6 and is 1 under for a 7 hole stretch through the turn. Mediocrity and a Dozer shit show slow him down going down the stretch. Somehow does not take Dozer for more money. Let me know if he pays you. He owes me too. Gross 83
Easy - 3rd Place -2 - Bogeys 1 the proceeds to par everything in sight until the tide turns on 9. Leading the tournament by the skin of his teeth he finds the water and triples for a 7. In the meantime the eventual leader chips in for an Eagle/Net 2 on the par 5. Played solid down the stretch until controversy hits on 18 to cost him low gross. What a cruel mistress this golf game is. Gross 81
Precious - 2nd Place -5 - The leader through 3 to ensure that the penultimate group held the lead at all stages of the tournament, fell on hard times with 3 doubles or worse on the final 6 holes of the front nine. Battled back on the back 9, making no worse than Bogey, pissing Easy off in the process. Some holes in the game that I don't know will ever be fixed. But shot as well as I could have given the circumstances. If not for The CumDog, this dog could have had his day. Gross 92
Caleb - Low Amaetur -7 - An 82 with a triple and 3 doubles marring the card. The Kid is something special and way better to talk to and hang out with than his brother. One day he'll join the league and his nickname is officially up for nomination. So far I have:
BB "The Better Brother"
CC "Cooler Connor"
EFS "Easy's Favorite Son"
& Slappy.
On to the next event...glad we were able to come to a consensus.
Onward and Upward,
President Precious
Comments