In the world of the 12, few names are as feared/mocked as Hell Boy. Known for his amiable demeanor, Hell Boy has achieved more than his share of victories, but none have been as tight and shaky as his recent win at the Stoners Open.
As the tournament entered its final holes, the atmosphere was tense. We watched in hushed anticipation, sensing something dark and foreboding in the air. Hell Boy was cruising towards what seemed like an inevitable win, but the calm before the storm quickly turned into chaos.
In a bizarre twist of fate, the seemingly unbeatable Hell Boy and his 20 course handicap began to falter. His usually steady hands started to tremble, and his once-semi-perfect swings became erratic. Each stroke seemed to echo with an eerie resonance, and the lush greens of the course seemed to warp under the pressure.
Despite the mounting tension, Hell Boy managed to pull through and clinch the victory. But this was no ordinary triumph. His final performance, marred by the sudden and inexplicable choking down the stretch, left everyone questioning whether something more sinister had influenced the outcome.
As night fell and the course was cloaked in darkness, whispers of a cursed victory began to circulate. Those who witnessed the final holes couldn’t shake the feeling that they had seen something beyond the realm of mere sportsmanship. Hell Boy’s win at the Stoners Open had an unsettling edge, something akin to padding his already monsterous 'cap making it a chilling chapter in 12's history.
On to the lowlights:
Headcase +14: Headcase headcased with 3 of the top 10 worst scores including a Quintuple Bogey on 4.
Sloppy +13: Sloppy, Simple, No Show, The Toe, by any other name would still play this shitty. Also contributes 3 of the worst 10 scores, all Quadruple Bogeys.
El Toro +7: Shoots as poorly as he possibly could. Still finishes in front of Sloppy and Heady and 3rd lowest gross.
Magic +3: Gives away the FedEx cup points race lead. Does nothing spectacular. Typical Fitz is back.
Easy +1: Low gross and never threatened the lead. Made no worse than Bogey all day. Playing good golf has zero rewards.
Chambermaid +1: 3rd Highest Gross of the day put him in contention. A Double-Bogey-Double finish is the definition of playing yourself out of it.
Conman +1: A Quadruple Bogey on 13 effectively ended it for him. A Double on 18 was not the way this should have finished. 40yd sand shot sails the green. Ouch!
Precious E: Takes the points lead with a miraculous 2nd place finish. Down 3 with 3 to play only to shank the drive on 16. Awesome. Nerves of steel this guy.
Hell Boy -1: Fuck off you handsome Devil. Way to hang on and get the W!
On to the Open Championship!
Onwards and upwards,
President Precious
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