Side Note: The three guys in the background (Sloppy, Toro, and Magic) look like they could start the biggest and baddest Dad's club in America. You can almost hear Toro arguing with Sloppy about which mower is better, his John Deere or Sloppy's Craftstman.
The results from Forrest Hills are in and in case you can't see past the glare that is gleaming from the side of this man's freshly shaved head, which I'm almost positive he received from the same child barber as my 4 year old goes to, your Cornelius Challenge Champion is the one, and only, Hellboy.
He battled through a few tough holes, even posting an "8" on 6, kept his cool, despite his outer epidermis resembling a commercial for "What Can SPF Do For You", and came home with back to back pars - net birdies. Despite the late heroics, by all accounts, he was battling for second or third behind Spanky and Chambermaid who battled it out all morning long. Long resigned to the fact that he was playing for at best 2nd place he was able to relax and settled into a bit of a 20+ Handicappers groove, firing bogey after bogey on the back. "Bogey Golf" was his mantra all day long and he stuck to it like a single 40 year old, resigned to taking home 5 different '2's from the bar and calling it a 10. Fuck it, who needs a Paige Spiranac when Brandi Lee has no teeth? Why make pars and birdies, when the 'cap will give 'em to you anyway. Well congrats on the come from behind win and dammit if that pink shirt of yours doesn't look good in the winners circle.
On to the Low Lights:
Headcase Brings up the rear after suffering the Roeder curse. At 6am sharp the Dog posts "Headcase this is your tournament today!!!! You da man" 111
Sloppy Seconds (Sloppy's BF) doesn't get a recap. But that damn nickname is one for the books. Well Played.
The Body.....doesn't finish DFL. 4 on 1. 10 on 2. After the round he does 2 things Donates his money to leave early and see the grandkids and promptly leaves the Groupme. Was it something I said, cabbage? 106
Sloppy goes 100+ again. You should turn in the ill gotten Pumpkin Ridge Trophy to the authorities for kidnapping your damn game. 103
Roeder cannot find a birdie all day long. Shoots 48 going out and digs too deep of a hole in his match with Spanky. Other than cursing Headcase, he brings nothing to the table. Even his cooler after the round was empty. 92
Magic receives the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde award going out in 50 and home in 41. Force to be reckoned with if he can put it all together. 91
Precious gets consistent real consistent. Consistently sliced his drives, topped his irons, duffed his chips and 3 putted. 48 & 48 gets you nada. 96
Spanky starts the fun of the recap. Leading from the jump and turning the round into a 2 man tournament he goes out low front 9 of the day with a 40 all the while burying the roadkill he turned Roedog into. Once the dog was dead someone called animal control and the law catches up with him at hole 16 where he has the worst collapse this league has seen all year - +7 on the final 3 holes to give away 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th places in the process. Full on freefall. 87
El Toro plays about the worst he could have and still shoot an 83. 2 birdies helped. Not having a birdie bottle didn't. The belief is that is exactly what kept this from being a sub 80 round. This round could have been as high as 90 or as low as 77. Maybe the only roller coaster he fits on. 83
The Rabbi stays steady all day long, this self deprecating Jew lures you in with his encouraging words even as your drives are heading straight outta bounds and then plays to his handicap for his highest finish of the year, all the while he has Precious wondering, how the hell did he beat me? 95
Easy damn near does it. After a slow start to the day with a front 9 44, he goes out and makes 8 pars and 1 bogey for a 37 on the back missing the putt-off by 1 stoke. States he hit 13 of 18 greens but goes with out a birdie. I think I've hit 13 green all year long. You can either be good at golf or good at sex and I'll take the latter. 81
Chambermaid sits at even par for the entirety of the day. No highs, no Lows. Then out of no where "The Collapse" then out of the depths of Hell Satan send his 'boy to ruin what should have been Chambermaids day. Loses on a putt off. Proceeds to take putting lessons from the guy who hit 13 of 18 greens and didn't make a birdie. Gotta have better judgement Davey!
Graph with results and points to follow.
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