The stages of grief include mental and emotional states such as denial, and acceptance. While they can include symptoms such as being tired when you are going through those phases, they don’t capture one state you can be, where you are just plain exhausted. Denial and acceptance don’t disappear, nor are they present at the forefront. There exists a state of tiredness where all emotions and thoughts merely orbit in a state of translucency, where you are unable to feel or react, where you are aware of hope and despair but embrace neither. You are just... tired. That state of being is where Precious was en route to shooting an absolutely pitiful one-hundred-eight, all while watching our eventual champion and low-gross shooter of the day, Spanky, card a score of almost 30 strokes better in a one-sided drubbing that, truthfully, only served as a confidence boost hole after hole for Spanky as myself, Sloppy, and Headcase proceeded to answer Toro's midweek question of "Why do you continue to do this?". That state of being is where I sit currently on the season, and where I was at from hole 3 on, on Sunday.
Well, Spanky, congratulations on yet another win. At this point however, it has to feel like being the world's tallest midget, winning gold at the special Olympics, or being voted best looking Fallin. Yeah, sure, you won but really, the rest of us just lost.
On to the lowlights:
Easy - 13th place - The hangover from the Masters may be a real thing. Roeder, Chambermaid, Railing and now Easy, haven't won a Got-damn thing since laying it on the table for the Green Jacket. Worth it? Probably.
Sloppy - 12th place - What can you say about Sloppy's game that you can't say about a mild case of diarrhea? It's uncomfortable, it stinks, you wish it were over but you wipe, and you wipe, like a 100 times but still, shit.
Precious - 11th place - it really doesn't get much more mentally weak than this. An 8 on 5 derails any shot of a championship, sobriety, or a single fuck being given for the remainder of the tournament.
Headcase - 10th place - This is where we begin to realize how cruel a mistress golf can be. 2nd place at Tri-Mountain to this shitshow. In it until a triple/quad on 8&9. Downhill from there. The 1-2 Headcase/Precious dream, officially dead.
Roedog - T8th place - A 49 front leaves the Dog reeling. 2 triples in the first 3 holes after the turn erase what could have been a solid back 9 and a charge up the leader board. Nevertheless, despite being on call, manages to make it to the 19th hole. Glad you got permission from your old lady to hang with your friends.
Railing - T8th place - Mr. Backhanded compliment himself finishes in front of more players in this round than he has all year, combined. Seasons looking up Rails. A 44 front has him in contention, a certain cart girl on the back knocks him out of contention. Presidents pick for the US Open.
Magic - 7th place - Am I the only one who saw the final standings and asked "Mike was here?" I called and asked his group and even they couldn't remember if he played or not. His presence and play both consistently unremarkable. 48/48.
Hellboy - T5th place - #1 in your hearts and #1 after the turn. Shoots his way out of the tournament by shooting 8 strokes worse. Insult to injury, he shoots himself out of the money on 17 and 18 going 7 over in this holes alone.
Chambermaid - T5th place - The answer to Toro's question as to why do we continue to show up and play despite sucking ass at golf? Well a gross 99 was good for 5th. A couple of breaks here and there and the 'Maid is in the running.
Conman - 4th place - Let me be the 1st to apologize, Conner. At first glance a 20 HCP you are not. But watching you crumble down the stretch with the championship on the line is exactly what us 20+'ers are about. Welcome to the club, sir.
El Toro - T2nd place - Let me begin by saying how fucking hard it has to be to be the bull as of late. The 3 main reasons why it's so hard? 1. A 42/40 doesn't win. 2. His son is officially a better golfer. 3. His son is Spanky. Enough to make a lesser man pack it up and call it a career.
Dozer - T2nd place - As we made the turn and all saw Dozer in the mix, I'm sure we all thought of great come back stories in history - Sea Bisquit, The Mighty Ducks, Rocky, Kim Kardhashian...(I'm pretty sure she had cum on her back in that movie)... but it wasn't to be. Cracks open the door with a double on 17. Goes full choke mode with a triple on 18.
Well Boys, we are at the halfway point, Spanky just got handed another and the US Open is next up. Here's to an an amazing finish to the year!
Onward and upward,
President Precious
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